accountant and accountings JOKES

Accountant behaviour

Do you find accounting standards attractive? ?
We do! (2 May)

What do you call an accountant or who can't account?
An ant. (24 Apr)

What do cannibal accountants do at their Office Christmas Dinner?
Toast their clients.(19 apr)

Receptionist: "There's an invisible client in reception".
Accountant: "Tell them I'm sorry but I can't see them today."(19 apr)

Patient: "Hello, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Goodbye."
30 seconds later... "Hello again, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me."
Doctor: "Mmm. Sounds like a serious case of double entry."

The are just 2 rules for creating a successful accountancy business:
1. Don't tell them everything you know.

What does an accountant do to liven up an office party?
Not show up.

"Doctor, doctor, I've taken the medicine you prescribed but it's not working. What should I do?"
"Try using your calculator."
"How will that help?"
"I'm not sure, but it's something you can count on". (9 April)

What do you call a Financial Controller who always works through lunch, takes 2 days holiday every 2 years, is in the office every weekend and leaves every night after 10pm?
Work shy and a skiver.

How do you know when an accountant's having a mid-life crisis?
He gets a faster calculator.

What happens when you lock a wild hyena and an accountant in a room?
The hyena stops laughing. (27 Mar)