jokes , JOKES, jOkES

Types and Definitions of an Accountant

What is an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand at a price you can't afford.

What is the definition of an introverted accountant?

Someone who stares at their shoes when talking to you.

What is the definition of an extroverted accountant?

Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.

There are 3 types of accountant

Those who can count and those who can't.

What's a shy and retiring accountant?

One that's half-a-million shy and that's why he's retiring.

Did you hear about the constipated CFO?

He couldn't budget with his calculator so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.

What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?

Lost.

LEADERSHIP

Ramai orang yang ingin jadi pemimpin. Motif mereka pun bermacam-macam. Ada yang hanya ingin mendapatkan status, kemudahan, kehormatan, dan nama besar. Namun begitu, ada juga yang benar-benar tulus, ingin membuat perubahan agar masyarakatnya menjadi lebih baik.

Berbagai ragam motivasi tersebut melahirkan model dan gaya kepemimpinan yang bermacam-macam. Model pemimpin yang pertama biasanya sangat hati-hati, tidak banyak mengambil keputusan yang berisiko, agar kedudukannya tetap stabil.

Dia menginginkan suasana stabil dan tenang; memerlukan anak buah yang setia dan menuruti perintahnya, sekalipun tidak bijak. Malah orang pintar dan orang yang berkedudukan diperhatikan dan dilemahkan, bahkan dibuang jauh.

Secara sederhana, hebat atau tidaknya seorang pemimpin dapat dilihat dari orang-orang yang mengelilingnya. Jika mereka rendah dari sudut prestasi, maka kualiti pemimpin itu pasti rendah dan tidak bermutu, begitu pula sebaliknya.

Lain halnya dengan pemimpin revolusioner. Dia adalah pemimpin yang kaya idea, mahu berjuang untuk mewujudkan ideanya, dan yang terpenting, dia selalu berani mengambil risiko atas pelaksanaan ideanya itu.

Pemimpin revolusioner menyukai orang-orang yang memiliki kelebihan, meskipun mempunyai kelayakan melebihi kelayakan dirinya. Dia tidak memikirkan kedudukan. Dia melihat bahawa keberhasilan kepemimpinannya akan terjadi jika disokong oleh orang-orang yang berkualiti tinggi, dan bukan hanya orang-orang yang berbekalkan kesetiaan. Walaupun kesetiaan dianggap perlu, maka bukan kesetiaan terhadap pemimpinnya, tetapi terhadap visi atau cita-cita besarnya.

Di bawah pemimpin revolusioner, orang pintar dan orang yang memiliki kemahiran dan kepakaran yang tinggi sangat beruntung. Mereka dihormati dan diberi ruang untuk mengekspresikan kepintaran dan kemahirannya. Bahkan, diberi kesempatan untuk meningkatkan kemampuannya.

Sayang sekali, model pemimpin revolusioner tidak muncul di banyak tempat. Yang banyak muncul ialah pemimpin yang ingin mendapatkan kemudahan, kesenangan, status, kehormatan, dan berbagai kenikmatan. Namun, kita tetap merindukan dan menunggu kehadiran pemimpin revolusioner itu.

~rEnUnG-rEnUnGkAn & sELaMaT bErAmAL~

Kursus Kepimpinan Persatuan FEP

Tarikh :
21-23 Mei 2010

Tempat :
Nur Laman Bestari, Ulu Yam

Tema :
"Memupuk Semangat Berpasukan Ke Arah Kepimpinan Gemilang"

Anjuran :
PMFEP

Peserta :
PMFEP, Kelab Perakaunan, Kelab Perniagaan & Kelab Ekonomi

Kursus 3 hari 2 malam (wah..mcm pakej perlancongan!) ni telah mendedahkan para peserta on:

1) Kewangan Program
by Encik Misro Jerut

2) Prosedur Pelaksanaan Program & Cara Membuat Kertas Kerja Yang Berkesan
by Ahmad Muzzammil Muhd Hairi (menggantikan Pn. Rosma Ayu)

Terdapat juga aktiviti-aktiviti yang menarik dan mencabar seperti:

1) jungle trekking
2) night walk
3) explorace

Tahniah PMFEP kerana telah berjaya menganjurkan kursus ini dengan jayanya!

accountant and accountings JOKES

Accountant behaviour

Do you find accounting standards attractive? ?
We do! (2 May)

What do you call an accountant or who can't account?
An ant. (24 Apr)

What do cannibal accountants do at their Office Christmas Dinner?
Toast their clients.(19 apr)

Receptionist: "There's an invisible client in reception".
Accountant: "Tell them I'm sorry but I can't see them today."(19 apr)

Patient: "Hello, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Goodbye."
30 seconds later... "Hello again, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me."
Doctor: "Mmm. Sounds like a serious case of double entry."

The are just 2 rules for creating a successful accountancy business:
1. Don't tell them everything you know.

What does an accountant do to liven up an office party?
Not show up.

"Doctor, doctor, I've taken the medicine you prescribed but it's not working. What should I do?"
"Try using your calculator."
"How will that help?"
"I'm not sure, but it's something you can count on". (9 April)

What do you call a Financial Controller who always works through lunch, takes 2 days holiday every 2 years, is in the office every weekend and leaves every night after 10pm?
Work shy and a skiver.

How do you know when an accountant's having a mid-life crisis?
He gets a faster calculator.

What happens when you lock a wild hyena and an accountant in a room?
The hyena stops laughing. (27 Mar)

How to Start Your Accounting Career

You want to be an accountant. You love numbers, maths and money. So, how do you get started? Where do you go to get certified so that your services will be in demand? If you do not have any recognised qualifications, your clients will not be able to know if your standards meet their requirements. People hire Chartered Certified Accountants with a full practising certificate because they know that they can trust in their expertise.

Any old accountancy certification will not do. You need an internationally recognised global qualification to compete in today's industry, and the ACCA qualification fits this demand perfectly. The Association of Chartered Certified Accountants (ACCA) is the world's largest international accountancy body, with over 300,000 members and students in more than 160 countries. Founded in 1904, ACCA has over 100 years of history as a leader in the development of the global accountancy profession. The United Nations has chosen the ACCA syllabus as the basis of its global accountancy curriculum and the ACCA qualification is well recognised in an ever-growing list of countries including the USA, Canada, the United Kingdom, the European Union, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, China, Singapore, Malaysia and Pakistan. Many ACCA graduates work in premier companies such as British Airways and Price Waterhouse Coopers.

- The fact that there is a regulatory body who will ensure that standards are maintained
- The fact that you must operate within a strict framework of rules and ethics

The entry requirements of the ACCA qualification are 2 A-Level passes or a bachelor's degree from a recognised university. If you do not meet this requirement, you may opt to go for the open-entry route by taking the Certified Accounting Technician (CAT) qualification first. Upon completion of the CAT course, you may progress to take the ACCA qualification.

As an ACCA graduate, you can look forward to rewarding accounting career in a variety of fields such as accountancy, auditing, financial management, taxation, business development and management. Numerous opportunities will be available to you, whether you choose to work in a small practice, run your own company or lead a large multinational organisation. Indeed, ACCA graduates are in high demand worldwide.

So, if you are looking to start a career in accounting, you might as well do it right. Be internationally recognised and sought after, and you will do well wherever you may be.

The syllabus spans 16 topics each with its own examination to test your competency in that subject. It usually takes 2 years for a student to obtain the ACCA qualification. This is broken up into the "Fundamentals" stage that consists of 9 papers and the "Professional" stage that consists of 3 papers and a choice of 4 options. With so many examinations to pass, self-study can be difficult. The good news is that there are many professional accounting and finance schools such as FTMS Global that offer ACCA courses. The better ones have a cast of highly qualified and experienced lecturers who are ACCA-certified. These teachers know what the ACCA syllabus requires and can dramatically increase your chances of passing the examinations. Definitely, it is highly recommended to enlist the aid of a mentor who can show you the ropes.

After qualifying as a Chartered Certified Accountant by passing the examinations, to obtain the practising certificate you must have had sufficient experience in a practising accountant's office. On top of all that, you must continue to keep yourself updated by attending courseson a regular basis. The ACCA is the only accountancy body that provides a disciplinary system which offers remedy if any ACCA member breaches its high standards.

Once you obtain the ACCA certification, your clients know with certainty that they can depend on:
- Your integrity
- Your absolute respect for the confidentiality of your client's affairs
- Your knowledge and expertise

Teknik membaca yang berkesan

Teknik Membaca PQRST

Sistem PQRST adalah suatu teknik membaca yang diperkenalkan oleh Thomas, Ellen Lamar; Robinson dan H. Alan dalam buku mereka yang bertajuk "Improving Reading In Every Class".

Berikut adalah 5 langkah yang menjadi tunjang Teknik Membaca PQRST ini.

(a) Preview (Tinjau)
Preview. TINJAU tajuk-tajuk utama pada keseluruhan buku atau bab tertentu dengan memberi perhatian kepada tajuk-tajuk besar dan kecil padanya. Tujuan utama proses meninjau ini adalah untuk anda mendapatkan gambaran keseluruhan tentang isi-isi penting pada buku atau bab-bab dalam buku itu. Dengan mendapat gambaran segera tentang kandungan buku itu, fikiran anda akan lebih tertumpu kepada isu-isu utama yang dibincang atau diutarakan pada buku tersebut.

(b) Question (Soal)
Question. SOAL diri anda dengan menjadikan tajuk besar dan kecil dalam bab itu sebagai soalannya. Misalnya, tajuk bagi seksyen ini ialah Meningkatkan Mutu Pembacaan. Jadi, bentuk soalan yang boleh anda buat ialah “Bagaimana saya dapat meningkatkan mutu pembacaan saya?” Dengan adanya soalan itu semasa anda membaca, tumpuan fikiran anda akan lebih fokus kepada mencari jawapan atau jawapan-jawapan tentang soalan yang tertumpu pada fikiran anda pada ketika anda membaca.

(c) Read (Baca)
Baca satu seksyen ke satu seksyen untuk mencari jawapan soalan yang anda telah bentuk itu. Sambil MEMBACA bahan bacaan anda, tumpukan perhatian untuk mendapatkan jawapan bagi soalan yang anda telah timbulkan itu. Ini merupakan suatu pembacaan yang aktif. Oleh itu, carilah tempat di mana anda boleh membaca dengan sepenuh tumpuan. Dengan berbuat demikian, anda akan dapat meningkatkan keberkesanan dan impak proses pemahaman serta pengingatan anda terhadap idea-idea utama bahan yang dibaca.

(d) Self-Recitation (Menyebut Kendiri)
MENYEBUT KENDIRI ialah suatu proses di mana anda mencuba ingat fakta-fakta utama bab atau bahan yang anda telah baca. Adalah lebih berkesan jika anda menyebutkan fakta-fakta kepada diri anda secara lisan. Tujuan utamanya ialah untuk mengingat semula apa yang anda telah baca iaitu dengan menggabungkan semua proses (b), (c), dan (d) secara serentak.

(e) Test (Uji)
UJI diri anda setelah anda habis membaca keseluruhan bab. Fikirkan berapa banyakkah idea-idea daripada bab yang baru anda baca itu dapat anda ingati. Pada peringkat inilah anda harus mula menyimpan apa yang telah anda pelajari ke dalam ingatan jangka panjang anda.
Dengan menggunakan Teknik Membaca PQRST, masalah terlalu banyak untuk dibaca akan dapat anda atasi. Teknik Membaca PQRST ini memudah dan mempercepatkan proses pembacaan serta pengingatan anda.

17 Sifat keperibadian seorang usahawan

nak jadi jutawan sementara @ usahawan berjaya????? pilihan di tangan anda............


1. Bersemangat dan berkeinginan tinggi untuk berjaya dalam mencapai matlamat. Semangat ialah daya penggerak kepada perniagaan.

2. Memandang masa hadapan dengan jelas . Pandangan seorang usahawan selalunya disokong oleh himpunan idea yang belum ada dalam pasaran.

3. Berkeupayaan untuk bekerja keras – Seorang usahawan sering mempunyai sikap mabuk kerja atau ‘workaholic’ . Dia bekerja keras untuk merealisasikan impiannya.

4. Berfikiran positif - Seperti sikap hero dalam filem box office Barat yang sentiasa berfikir bahawa tindakannya tetap akan berjaya walaupun nampak seperti mustahil untuk dicapai.

5. Berani membuat keputusan – Keputusan memang sentiasa perlu dibuat dan dengan kadar segera. Lambat membuat keputusan bermakna setengah daripada jalan kegagalan sudah ditempah.

6. Bersikap optimistik – Yakin dengan kebolehan diri sendiri serta mengambil falsafah ” Masa kini ialah masa yang terbaik” dan ” Semua perkara boleh dilakukan”

7. Pandai mengatur strategi untuk menukar impian menjadi realiti.

8. Berani mengabil risiko secara berhemah – Risiko tetap wujud dalam semua situasi, cuma kadarnya berbeza-beza.

9. Melahirkan daya usaha niaga yang berterusan untuk mengatasi masalah

10. Bekerja sendiri – Usahawan sering mahu bekerja sendiri daripada bekerja di bawah sesuatu organisasi atau bekerja di bawah orang lain. Dia mungkin bekerja dengan seseorang untuk mendapatkan pengetahuan atau pengalaman untuk menghasilkan sesuatu produk atau perkhidamtan buat suatu jangka masa yag pendek.

11 – 17 – kena beli buku sendirilah dan terokai berbagai ilmu yang dikongsi di dalam buku ini. Buku ‘Langkah Bijak Usahawan Terbilang ‘ terbitan Telaga Biru Sdn Bhd adalah hasil tulisan Dato’ Dr. Hj. Mohd Fadzilah Kamsah dan Haji Muhammad Zakaria.

this is what we call "CLEVER"

There are three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant."Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket, please."

As a nutshell, I let you guys make your own conclusion to this story. Have fun read it. (^_^)

COLORS IN ACCOUNTING

If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say?
"Darling, could you tell me about your work."

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

"Have you tried counting sheep?"

"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."

The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"

The doctor replied, "Marry an accountant."

"Will that make me live longer?" asked the patient.

"No," said the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."

Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."



An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old".
"Where did you get this exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old."

SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR THOSE GRADUATES WITH LITTLE OR NO WORKING EXPERIENCE

Some fresh graduates who have little or no working experience may face a similar problem, in that they cannot get experience until they get a job, but cannot get a job as they have no experience. Fortunately, many large local and multinational companies, - most of them prestigious - have their own campus recruitments targeting fresh graduates who have no working experience. One of the problems that fresh graduates face is how to attract employers’ attention and make themselves stand out. Here follows some suggestions for becoming a successful candidate.

Firstly, candidates must try to avoid low level mistakes in their CVs. When sifting through hundreds of CVs, it’s far easier to find reasons to eliminate candidates than to grant them interviews. Spelling mistakes, lack of clarity and meaning will conspire to reward the application with instant rejection, because no employer wants to have to train someone in such fundamental skills. For those graduates whose written communication skills are weak, practicing frequently is a good way to improve the written skills.

Secondly, try to make non job-related experience count. Although fresh graduates have little or no job-related working experience, they are still likely to have much to offer employers. The secret is to think about the aptitudes required in the job and consider how well their campus and social experience might have prepared them. For example, working in teams, managing time, and dealing with difficulties are skills that can be developed in campus and social activities.

Thirdly, try to make the best use of the knowledge learned during college and ACCA studies. During the interview, an interviewer always asks some job-related technical questions, and candidates need to answer these questions by using the knowledge they have learned during their studies. Some important parts of accounting and finance knowledge should be prepared before attending any interviews, and impressive answers to the technical questions can be the key to successfully being offered the job.

As the global economy goes into meltdown, recruiters are under intense pressure to justify any expenditure related to hiring staff, and more people are coming on to the jobs market. Those who make recruitment decisions are in a strong position to raise the bar when screening candidates, so it’s important for graduates with little or no working experience to try their best to improve their employability in order to get the job offer they desire.

Why join CPA Passport

Give yourself a head start in the ultra-competitive employment market by joining CPA Australia's CPA Passport student network.

All students can register for free and gain access to global networking opportunities, career fairs, online resources, career advice and tips, as well as the CPA Australia Internship Program.

CPA Passport students also receive CPA Update, a weekly e-newsletter to help keep you informed of the latest CPA Australia news and events, and Real Business – the only finance, accounting and business magazine specifically for students .

It's free to join CPA Passport, so what are you waiting for?

For registration , please click here

Don't Worry

Masa aku balik dari Singapore menaiki keretapi adalah tiga orang yang duduk bersama, dua didepan aku satu kat sebelah. Yang kat depan aku ni, orang American dan disebelahnya orang Cuba. Sebelah aku pulak orang Bangladesh. Dalam perjalanan tu kami pun berborak-boraklah pasal negara sendiri...

Borak punya borak, tiba-tiba si American ni pun keluarkan duit dollar dia lalu dibakarnya, dikeluarkannya sebatang rokok lalu dibakarnya rokok itu dengan duit tadi, lepas tu dibuangnya duit itu keluar. Terkejutlah semua melihat kelakuan Mat salleh tu tadi... bertanyalah si
orang Cuba tadi "Why you do that for?". Dengan selamba mat salleh tu menjawab "Don't worry, I got a lot American dollar in my country".

Tercengganglah masing-masing. Belum habis tercenggang..si Cuba ni pun tiba-tiba mengeluarkan sebatang curut (curut Cuba adalah antara yang termahal didunia) lalu dinyalakannya. Belum sempat beberapa sedut..terus dia membuangnya keluar tingkap..."Why you do that for" kata american tadi... "Don't worry, i got a lot cigar in my country".

Terkejutlah aku dibuatnya. Masa tu aku tengok Bangladesh tu tengah pikir apa nak dibuat pulak. Masa dia tengah fikir. Aku pun apa lagi... tangkap Bangla tu terus aku campak ke luar tingkap....belum sempat dia orang tanya lagi aku pun cakap lah..."DON'T WORRY, I GOT A LOT BANGLADESHIS IN MY COUNTRY".

~credit to gelihati.blogspot.com~

Salaries - Where the money counts

Accountancy has long been branded, 'A number crunching job', fairly befitting the image of professionals counting and evaluating the net worth of companies and organizations. It has been a common perception that a career in the field of accountancy is a lucrative one. After all, they do count money everyday, don't they? However, it also depends on which step on the ladder you are in this industry. Jobs in this industry are well diversified, ranging from lower level accounts clerks to executives, auditors, tax agents up to highly ranked corporate directors and officers in the hierarchy of the company's organization. So,how much do these people actually make?

The charts below will give you an up-to-date insight on how much, on average, you will make for the different positions held in the field of accountancy. Salaries range from a level of $28,000 per annum for an accounts clerk to $165,000 per annum for a chief accounting officer, heralded to be one of the most prestigious and highly ranked careers available in the corporate world.

Now, lets take a look at the remuneration scheme offered by the 'BIG FOUR' accounting firms, the 4 well established firms in the private sector specializing in providing a range of professional accounting services to companies and organizations.Services range from auditing to consulting and advisory services, and these 4 firms are well sort after by fresh graduates as a stepping stone to a successful career as they are considered the 'cream of the cream' among all accounting firms.

Currently in 2009, the median entry level salary in public accounting was $59,000. Figures can run up to an approximating $70,000 to $85,000 after holding the job for 4 to 5 years. These figures would be higher in major cities.While not widely publicized, annual payouts to top partners in PWC, E&Y, Deloitte and KPMG often run north of $1,000,000. In light of the current recession, the salary range has not been reduced, and the recent ranges are as follows:

Positions	Big 4 Firm	Overall	Typical Experience
Entry Level	$55,000	$50,000 - 70,000	First year
Junior Staff Accountant	$46,000 - 63,000	$40,000 - 80,000	1-2 years
Senior Staff Accountant	$65,000 - 95,000	$70,000	3-5 years
Manager	$65,000 - 140,000	$85,000	5-7 years
Senior Manager	$72,000 - 160,000	$115,000	7 years plus
Partner	$200,000 - 3,000,000	$150,000	10 years plus

Accountants can actually earn "the sky is the limit" salaries by making the most out of the expertise and experience. This especially holds true for top position holders in corporate companies and consultants. You do not need to have a cornucopia of skills and talents. All you have to do is to harness your ability to work smart, constantly strive for the best, and most importantly, have passion towards accounting and increasing your own self worth.

34 Tips Pelajar Cemerlang

1. Optimistik

2. Jangan bersikap pesimistik

3. Kesedaran memikul tanggungjawab

4. Tumpuan sepenuh hati

5. Mulakan dari awal

6. Sentiasa bersedia

7. Lengkapkan peralatan

8. Tepati waktu belajar

9. Dapatkan bantuan guru

10. Hormati guru

11. Bersoal jawab dengan guru

12. Beri pandangan membina

13. Berbincang dengan rakan

14. Siapkan tugasan yang diberi

15. Tubuhkan kumpulan studi

16. Sering masuk perpustakaan

17. Baca akhbar

18. Menonton rangcangan yang sesuai

19. Lakukan peperiksaan kendiri

20. Sediakan jadual waktu

21. Sertai ceramah motivasi

22. Sertai seminar peperiksaan

23. Beli buku rujukan

24. Masuk kelas tuisyen

25. Lawatan ke pameran buku

26. Sertai kokurikulum sekolah

27. Sanggup manghadapi cabaran

28. Jaga keselamatan diri

29. Jaga kesihatan fizikal

30. Makanan seimbang

31. Malu bertanya sesat jalan

32. Sembahyang

33. Doa

34. Tawakkal